There were the meathead jocks, the passionate scholars, the dramatics crew, the motor-heads, the gamers, and the no bodies. Life in high school was a hellish prison that would never end. For an outsider coming into a new group of people was intimidating for several reasons: the preppy kids waving their money around, no body knows you, and trying to fit in sucks. This is what I experienced while in prison.
When I had first transferred to this new prison I was weary of going there because it was more expensive than my original taste. I had originally wanted the transfer because of a complication I had with an inmate, but then I remembered that the new facility had a swim team. This was the deciding factor I used to love swimming in my youth, and now I could do it while in prison made it if better. Some of the prison guards were okay, and helped ease the sentence of three years from my transfer. Back at my last prison I was able to get away with being an individual in a crowd, but here everyone has to dress at least some what alike. In all honesty the invisible bars on the windows were not needed because escape was completely stupid, because if you tried you got three days of solitary confinement. I mean honestly three day is a tad overkill. Back at my last prison you got three warnings then you got two to four day solitary confinement. Plus the priest who was supposed to come everyday only came a quarter of the time. Oh you want to know the best part they had cameras in every room disguised as a crucifix. That was probably the coolest crap I ever saw. However, my last two years flew by because of a new guard on watch. She inspired a select few of us one year to become creative while speaking our minds. Then there was my last year at the prison I thought I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then the Pam gate slammed shut. The first half of that year seemed to be more and more like working in the quarry every single day. Once it finally came time for that gate to open I was so relieved I just wanted to run free. At the same time though I didn't want to get shot, by the security guards on the perimeter; plus there was that huge turret on top of the roof that I did not want to mess with. I am finally at the end of my journey and I feel I have found a group who shares my taste for literature. Yes, they are more advanced than me, but I feel that they have helped me develop into the person I am today and could not be more grateful to have met them then I already am. Here is to a sweet release, thank you to you all for making my last three years of prison some what enjoyable.
I'm torn between how slightly sad I am that you compared high school to prison and how totally touched I am to be part of the select literature group! Sometimes I feel as if were are like any other sports team - we are such a tight knit group with our own inside jokes and something like our own language because no one ever knows what the heck we are talking about. Something I love, though, was how you mentioned being an individual. I feel as if, especially in a high school english class, it is so easy to loose your own opinion. But we were so blessed to get Mrs. Messineo who inspired us to interpret and express what we think. All the feels! I'll miss you, Devyn, I'll miss all of you because even though we are all very different individuals that argue and see things differently we are also drawn together by books. Every time I read or reference Huck Finn or Crime and Punishment I will think of you guys and our incredible class. Thanks for the greatest AP Lit experience ever!
The library was usually silent, especially at this time of the evening when school had been out for hours but drama practice had not yet begun. But the library was full on this cloudy night, full of something more than books, full of seniors hunched over several round tables which they had pushed together. Try to imagine, if you can, what circumstances would draw such a diverse group of people together. The athletes and the artists, the dancers and the deadbeats, all of them were gathered side by side in an intense meeting. This meeting was born from the snide screaming of an unsupervised programming class and the independent writing student who often invaded their class. But what had begun as nothing but a longing to plot their principles downfall turned into a wild fire that lit the student body ablaze and resulted in a floor plan of the school spread out between seventy or so pairs of hands and a few sharpie markers the moved across the surface of the map as the leading students talked. “And once Devyn, Peter, Mitchy, and Meaghan have caused the distraction in the auditorium Lauren and Felicia will draw the remaining office personnel away and the boys will lock themselves in the office where they’ll give the signal. Then the rest of us will move.” The markers were set down and the heads nodded in resolution. This was the plan. This was the ultimate senior prank. Whether or not the sun rose that morning was hard to tell. The cloud cover was thick and the sky dark, just how they had hoped it would be. It was odd, Mr. Hanes thought, that all of the seniors were not only on time today but that they were early. He hadn’t anticipated this during their last week of school except for the morning tailgate they had for Friday. But they were just meandering around their hall, all of them glancing at the clock repeatedly. He observed the students faces. Did they look anxious? Jessica moved towards Ann and Meaghan, blocking Mr. Hanes’ view of the two who were deep in conversation over Meaghan’s iPad. “Good morning, girls,” he called out. Seventy one heads jerked up, but only they replied. “Good morning, Mr. Hanes,” they chorused. “You’re all here rather early, don’t you think? Ann, I’m used to you cutting it pretty close.” “Well you know me, Mr. Hanes, I always like to keep you on your toes.” She offered him a smile that wasn’t quite pleasant, a little more mischievous than her normal grin, and returned to her discussion with Meaghan and two boys who had now joined them. Mr. Hanes kept an eye on the seniors until the second bell rang and they all began to go to their classes. As he turned back to the main office he could not help but notice the nods and glances they exchanged as they moved. It was the end of first period. The bell would ring any second and that was the cue. The seconds ticked by….five, four, three, two, one. Business as usual for a moment, waiting until the classrooms were empty and the hallways full and then… With a screech and a crackle the lights flickered and died completely. While underclassmen screamed and teachers sprinted through the building the seniors took their positions – the foyer, the cafeteria parking lot, and just outside the office. The lights snapped back to life and Felicia cried out to the nearest teacher that Lauren had passed out, although Lauren was nowhere to be seen. With that the office was emptied and the boys flooded in, taking control of the room and locking the administration out. The lights went out once more and wailing screams echoed over the loud speaker. Teachers were torn between their students and the chaos of the seniors in the office. They never even noticed that ninety percent of the class had disappeared. Meanwhile, the rest of the class was unloading several cars in the cafeteria parking lot and carting the contents to the doors which opened into the kitchen. They had five minutes before the boys in the office evacuated and unlocked the doors so as to avoid getting in trouble and set the final phase of their plan in motion. From there, their plan road on luck.
“Would all students please report to the auditorium in an orderly manner?” The students assembled, as ordered, in the auditorium with a majority of the senior class rejoining the student body. The lights continued to flicker against the red curtains which were drawn across the stage and the doors closed silently as the final teachers filtered in wondering if this was a legitimate threat or a technical error caused by Dane. Mr. Hanes mounted the short stage and opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted by a strange sound. Clicking? Clucking? The ruffling of feathers? The principle, who stood at the back of the auditorium turned and pushed open one of the doors and was promptly shoved out of the auditorium and into the feathered mass by a senior hidden in the shadows of the light box. Chaos ensued once more and the final seniors slipped in through the back to enjoy the fruits of their labor – the cries of their tyrannical principle and the look of glee and confusion upon the faces of the other students and some of the teachers. A hundred chickens now flooded the halls into which they had thrust their principle. Mr. Hanes did not react for a moment, he just stood gazing at the door through which his superior had been forced and listened to the distinct sounds of chickens. Then he simply looked straight down at the seniors – all seventy one of whom were now seated right before him. “Well,” one of them called out. “I don’t think she’s in any danger. Chickens are herbivores which means they only eat plants - Mrs. A taught us that is class.” Seventy one heads bent hiding their secret smirks and daring someone to try and yell at them as there was no proof that this was their prank.
Ann, All I can say is oh dear, we could've pulled this off some how. However, it is a tad late now. I honestly feel that we would've gotten caught no matter what. Releasing a hundred or so chickens into the school would've been near impossible. This prank sounds a lot like my cousins who lives up in Erie except they used squirrels. I must say Ann I would've never expected this devious of a plan to come from you, maybe Fluffy, Dan, or someone else, but not you. Either way well done, and I will miss this blog immensely.
Ann, I love your creativity, and also this is hilarious and I wish we could have done this! Our teachers and everyone would have been shocked that our class was sneaky enough to do something like this. Actually let me rephrase that. They would be shocked with the amount of motivation that we would have had to have for this entire plan to come true. What an awesome tale to tell, and I know that this is your mischievous side coming though. Quite a nice little surprise. Awesome work Ann!
Ann, I think that this is hilarious. Oh my gosh. The best part is how you said "Mr. Hanes did not react for a moment, he just stood gazing at the door through which his superior had been forced and listened to the distinct sounds of the chickens." That is exactly how it would happen and I can just picture the look on Mr. Hanes's face! And honestly, that is the best part. I am also quite proud of myself for playing quite the part in these prank. Good job, Felicia. Haha. Ann, amazing job on our last blog! Bittersweet.
My inspiration for this piece is Bowling for Soup's song "High School Never Ends."
Everyone's ready to leave except for maybe a few of us who believe this town isn't some kind of hell whole. But every senior class ends up right where it started, Elk County Catholic High School. There are a few exceptions, like me. I live in a different small town that's just as hellish. It doesn't matter where you go. The quarter back steals all the housewives hearts, and the prom queen gets fat.
Back in high school I didn't really... Fit in. I wore the wrong sneakers, listened to the wrong music, and didn't really care what people thought about me. They can all suck eggs since they loved telling me to do it. My point is I was never prom queen and the quarterback never called me. I was young, dumb, and stupid.
But this isn't about me. This is about high school and how it never ends. It doesn't matter if the captain of the chess team becomes a sexy lawyer. He will always be that nerd. The girl who was fat in high school is now making herself throw up because everyone made fun of her. We change, but we always stay the same person. For instance, I made with a hot dog one time. Sometimes I find myself eating in the way that I kiss my husband. But I will always be the girl who made out with a hot dog.
I'm not going to talk about ECC individually because it's not the time to do that. But I will say that the school smells like a serious case of body odor. They banned scented body odor guards so all the students stopped wearing deodorant, perfume, and cologne. It'll knock a person out if they don't know it before entering through the foyer doors. I'm shocked they haven't allowed students and staff to wear scents yet. I think they're loosing money over it.
That school made me really hate iPads. I have an iPhone, but it's different. iPads suck eggs. They're amazing creatures and I shouldn't have anything against them! You know how you see one person who just ruins a relationship by trying to fix something that was never broken? Or how about the home wrecker who can't get enough attention from any single guys? Those feelings that I just brought up that the drama queen so kindly granted you with you in high school are my feelings towards iPads. Again, iPads suck eggs.
The world is just a bigger high school, in my opinion. I know some of you probably don't agree with me, but that's because I'm right and you're wrong and you have too much pride to admit it. Instead of rusting cars and minimum wage that covers a birthday present for a temporary girlfriend, we have more options and more everything to lead us down the wrong path. The path that never ends called high school.
Kaitlin, First off I must say I love that song, and everything in it is so true. The world is just a larger form high school "who is just obsessed with who's the best dressed, who is having sex, who has the money, and who gets the ladies." Sad part is that those few lyrics describe high school in a nut shell. No one can really deny it because as soon as something in regards to one of the topics surfaces in the media it is a headliner till the next scandal comes about. So I agree with you on everything especially your point for those who are staying here because they don't "believe this town isn't some kind of hell whole." I must say your satire was great, and oh the sass. Great Job, Kaitlin!
Kaitlin, When I read the blog for this week, which happens to be our last blog ever—yay!, I instantly thought of that Bowling for soup song as well! It’s so true, the words to that song I mean. Yours, however, also have some sort of relevance. I really liked how you took a different approach to the prompt, as always, and used your personality to tell how you really felt. It worked well and it made me laugh at several different points. I mean, let’s face it, the guy doesn’t always get the girl and the prom queen means absolutely nothing in the real world. Great job this week!
(Okay so I decided to go out of my comfort zone and write a poem for this blog. It's not all that great but I tried. It doesn't rhyme, but I don't care. Please don't judge me.)
Untitled
Squeaky floors muffled by scuff marks, Lunches that squirm beneath the fork. Knee highs and sweater vests that scream, "We preach vulnerability and morality!"
Rooms with no windows, Cafeterias with no knifes. Do they think that prayer Will stop us from escaping?
Bathroom stalls with written graffiti, Paint fumes wafting in the air. Elk County Catholic, More like Death County Central.
Natalie, I LOVED THIS. You need to write poems more often! I’m really glad it didn’t rhyme. I think it would have taken away from what you were trying to say. I can’t decide if the part about not escaping because of the classrooms with no windows or the cafeteria with no knives was my favorite part. I could really feel your passion for the topic and see where you were coming from when I read it. Good job!
Natalie, This is absolutely awesome and hilarious! I love your second stanza a lot, especially because it reminds me of Mr. Hanes' room, he room of Calculus and horror for me. But this was really good. I love when you decide to take a risk and step out of your comfort zone because every time you do it seems to be rewarding as the work that comes from it is always excellent! Great job!
Natalie, Hahahahaha. Yes!!! I loved this. I think we all feel this way. At first I thought it was going to be all sentimental and then I was like "Dang, girl! Werk!" Your poem didn't have to rhyme! It was funny and the beginning was beautiful. Stop saying you're not good at creative writing. You are! Keep doing it too. You'll never know what you'll come up with. Great job!
Natalie, PLEASE. Keep writing poems! I love this it is hilarious and so incredibly creative! Death County Central is Hilarious! I have a question, is the poem named "untitled" or does it say "untitled" because you didn't name it? I am the worst at naming things. Either way though, I think it is perfectly fitting! I love this so much. you should graffiti this in the bathroom stall. You have too. It's just so fitting. Great job, Natalie!
Warning bells that make no one move, lunches that make students no longer hungry, and CPR that couldn’t save a life. This is what I recall from high school. Cheese in Spanish class, loud voices in the library, odd smells coming from more than just the art room. BE. YOU is preached on a regular basis but the dress code prohibits any sense of originality. Believe in and follow everything the Catholic Church teaches unless it is an inconvenience for you.
You’re supposed to learn how to survive on your own when you’re in high school. High school teaches you to live a life of lies because everything I learned over the past four years, will get me nowhere in life. The only relevance that dissecting a mink, writing down answers that were wrong, and the number of protons in helium had were teaching me that I would never need them. I want to thank all of my wonderful math teachers for teaching me that I definitely wanted nothing to do with quadratic formulas, shapes, or probabilities. The wonders of Elk County Catholic put me in a class that taught me how to drive after I already had my license. I was told that my handwriting had to be legible, yet I had to submit everything online. The amount of busy work the school and various teachers have provided me with over the past eight semesters has only helped in strengthening my habits of procrastination.
I learned many pointless things over the past four years that range from being selective to what food I eat in the cafeteria to learning how to butter my bread with the back of a fork. What the school hasn’t taught me are the life lessons I’ll actually use in life such as how to deal with unfriendly and uncooperative co-workers, how to balance a checkbook, and how to be myself. The BE. Campaign was one of the stupidest things Elk County Catholic has ever done because if I learned anything over the past four years, it is that you can only be you if they say it’s okay—and that is not okay with me.
"I've never seen such a sorry bunch in my entire life." Everyone looked around confused. The first sentence out of our valedictorian's mouth on our graduation day was that we were a sorry bunch. No one had ever seen Sam spread a rude word towards anyone, and yet here she was telling us that we're all the sorriest bunch she'd ever seen. "Look at you all sitting there in your gowns and caps, hair done all nice, clean shoes, and big smiles on your faces. You don't deserve to be here. None of us do. I mean what have we done in the past four years here?" She smiled a big smile, quite the change from the scowl she'd worn before. "Well, let me tell you. We've had multiple state champions in our class. We've even had a few kids be granted full scholarships, a few with pretty big scholarships for academics and sports, and quite a few for service and other things. Most of our class has honors, and nearly everyone has taken an advanced class at some point. But that's not enough for hem to let us graduate." She paused, looking like she was trying to collect herself before her next sentence or two. "I think that part of the reason that they are letting us graduate is because they are getting rid of us finally." Everyone laughed, and quite a few of the teachers nodded their heads in agreement. "How many of these teachers have had to suffer through our antics, deal with all of our sob stories about lost homework, and waste about ten red pens for each one of us in their classes? How many times have they had to wake up kids from cat naps taken during heir classes, or ban the use of iPads for a day because too many people were playing Stick Golf rather than doing their Theology homework? They had to suffer through all of our angsty teen phases and this year, when most of us," she looked pointedly at a few people in the crowd, "except for a choice few, finally graduated from that personality trait, they had to deal with claims of Senioritis. But it didn't matter because they were always there with the antibiotic for it, an offer for more homework if we didn't complete what was already owed. In all reality, they're not honoring us with graduation, they're kicking us out! But are we going to stand for it? NO!"
At this, everyone was confused. I looked at Ann and the look on her face was priceless. It was a mixture of insult, confusion, and what-the-heck-I-actually-DO-want-to-graduate. I'm sure everyone else had the same look on their face. But Sam just kept going. "We will stay in these halls forever! You'll never get to give our lockers to anyone else. We'll stay here forever." At this point people were looking at her like she was crazy, and for good reason. But finally, right before we all thought Mr. Hanes was ready to take the microphone away from her she stopped. "You all think I'm crazy don't you. You're so ready to leave. We all are. I, for one, am so happy to get out of this place. But next year, at some point when we're all studying for our finals and living solely on gallon buckets of espresso beans, we're going to be wishing we were still here. But we won't be. So class, I'm congratulating you on everything you'be done this past year, and before it. I congratulate you on moving on to the next difficult part of life. We're graduating from easy to hard, and we all though we were graduating from hard to easy. But in truth, I think that today is the biggest cause of celebration for our teachers. You did it. You're finally getting rid of us. You did your job when most of us didn't do ours. Congratulations." And with that she left, walked off the stage and down into her seat at the back of the class. No one moved, even the teachers had no clue what to say, a surprise for once. Then finally, someone clapped. That clap started the whole auditorium into a round of applause for the oddest speech ever heard. The ceremony went on, and we all received our diplomas and left. But after the ceremony, Sam could be seen with this little smile on her face. No one knows if that was the day she finally cracked from all those hours she'd spent with her head in her books or if it was all her idea of a joke, but everyone knows that we for sure will always remember her speech as the oddest one we'd ever heard.
Sam! Oh my gosh Hannah I was first shocked but then I could not stop giggling at the blunt truth coming from Sam. This was the greatest graduation speech ever and I think you should give this to her haha. What I really loved about it is how true it is, although it is meant as a piece of satire. You never cease to amaze me with your work, Hannah. Great job!
“Well, Goodbye Class of 2015. As I’m sure you are all expecting, this is the part of the ceremony where I, Mr. Hanes, speak of your class and reflect on my memories I have made with each and every one of you throughout the past four years. While I am only a vice-principle, and a teacher to some, I feel as if we have all been through so much more together. I feel as if I have been so much more than just that, It is almost as if I have become somewhat of a father to all of you annoying children. Yes, children. Regardless that the majority of your are 18, you are all so childish that I almost feel bad. Out of all the classes I have instructed, yours is the only one that just seems to be so incapable of such simple tasks, easily achievable by monkeys. I am sure that wild apes would pay more attention than you all! Reply if your listening, Good morning students!” A lone voice, Ann Ordiway, replies nervously “good morning, Mr. Hanes.” “Your class is so irresponsible, how many of you drive here in the morning? Most of you. How many of you drive yourselves here and make it on time? Few of you. How many of you even park your car properly? None of you. Just wondering, how did you pass your drivers test?!Mr. D’s cat parks better than all of you! And speaking of cars, great job with that car wash. Really. Phenonimal. It’s been a long year. I could go on an on with this speech, but I would rather not prolong our time together. To the students of the graduating class, good luck as you try to take on the world. You need it. To the world, good luck. You need it more.”
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh my gosh this was perfection. I could totally picture Mr. Hanes doing this to us as well. I loved when he called us children that cannot park correctly or on time. I could not stop laughing when you wrote the part about him wondering how we even have our drivers licenses. And the car wash! Seriously, this was best thing ever. Awesome work, Felicia!
Felicia, Hahaha. I'm dying! I love how drawn out it is like Mr. Hanes talks too. It was like, "GET TO THE POINT!" I'm gonna miss your sarcasm so much. Please send me stories like this. I will pay you. I love that you mentioned the car wash too. Haha. It was fun making memories, if we had a car wash. Great job!
There were the meathead jocks, the passionate scholars, the dramatics crew, the motor-heads, the gamers, and the no bodies. Life in high school was a hellish prison that would never end. For an outsider coming into a new group of people was intimidating for several reasons: the preppy kids waving their money around, no body knows you, and trying to fit in sucks. This is what I experienced while in prison.
ReplyDeleteWhen I had first transferred to this new prison I was weary of going there because it was more expensive than my original taste. I had originally wanted the transfer because of a complication I had with an inmate, but then I remembered that the new facility had a swim team. This was the deciding factor I used to love swimming in my youth, and now I could do it while in prison made it if better. Some of the prison guards were okay, and helped ease the sentence of three years from my transfer. Back at my last prison I was able to get away with being an individual in a crowd, but here everyone has to dress at least some what alike. In all honesty the invisible bars on the windows were not needed because escape was completely stupid, because if you tried you got three days of solitary confinement. I mean honestly three day is a tad overkill. Back at my last prison you got three warnings then you got two to four day solitary confinement. Plus the priest who was supposed to come everyday only came a quarter of the time. Oh you want to know the best part they had cameras in every room disguised as a crucifix. That was probably the coolest crap I ever saw. However, my last two years flew by because of a new guard on watch. She inspired a select few of us one year to become creative while speaking our minds. Then there was my last year at the prison I thought I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then the Pam gate slammed shut. The first half of that year seemed to be more and more like working in the quarry every single day. Once it finally came time for that gate to open I was so relieved I just wanted to run free. At the same time though I didn't want to get shot, by the security guards on the perimeter; plus there was that huge turret on top of the roof that I did not want to mess with. I am finally at the end of my journey and I feel I have found a group who shares my taste for literature. Yes, they are more advanced than me, but I feel that they have helped me develop into the person I am today and could not be more grateful to have met them then I already am. Here is to a sweet release, thank you to you all for making my last three years of prison some what enjoyable.
I'm torn between how slightly sad I am that you compared high school to prison and how totally touched I am to be part of the select literature group! Sometimes I feel as if were are like any other sports team - we are such a tight knit group with our own inside jokes and something like our own language because no one ever knows what the heck we are talking about. Something I love, though, was how you mentioned being an individual. I feel as if, especially in a high school english class, it is so easy to loose your own opinion. But we were so blessed to get Mrs. Messineo who inspired us to interpret and express what we think. All the feels! I'll miss you, Devyn, I'll miss all of you because even though we are all very different individuals that argue and see things differently we are also drawn together by books. Every time I read or reference Huck Finn or Crime and Punishment I will think of you guys and our incredible class. Thanks for the greatest AP Lit experience ever!
DeleteThe library was usually silent, especially at this time of the evening when school had been out for hours but drama practice had not yet begun. But the library was full on this cloudy night, full of something more than books, full of seniors hunched over several round tables which they had pushed together. Try to imagine, if you can, what circumstances would draw such a diverse group of people together. The athletes and the artists, the dancers and the deadbeats, all of them were gathered side by side in an intense meeting. This meeting was born from the snide screaming of an unsupervised programming class and the independent writing student who often invaded their class. But what had begun as nothing but a longing to plot their principles downfall turned into a wild fire that lit the student body ablaze and resulted in a floor plan of the school spread out between seventy or so pairs of hands and a few sharpie markers the moved across the surface of the map as the leading students talked.
ReplyDelete“And once Devyn, Peter, Mitchy, and Meaghan have caused the distraction in the auditorium Lauren and Felicia will draw the remaining office personnel away and the boys will lock themselves in the office where they’ll give the signal. Then the rest of us will move.” The markers were set down and the heads nodded in resolution. This was the plan. This was the ultimate senior prank.
Whether or not the sun rose that morning was hard to tell. The cloud cover was thick and the sky dark, just how they had hoped it would be.
It was odd, Mr. Hanes thought, that all of the seniors were not only on time today but that they were early. He hadn’t anticipated this during their last week of school except for the morning tailgate they had for Friday. But they were just meandering around their hall, all of them glancing at the clock repeatedly. He observed the students faces. Did they look anxious? Jessica moved towards Ann and Meaghan, blocking Mr. Hanes’ view of the two who were deep in conversation over Meaghan’s iPad.
“Good morning, girls,” he called out. Seventy one heads jerked up, but only they replied.
“Good morning, Mr. Hanes,” they chorused.
“You’re all here rather early, don’t you think? Ann, I’m used to you cutting it pretty close.”
“Well you know me, Mr. Hanes, I always like to keep you on your toes.” She offered him a smile that wasn’t quite pleasant, a little more mischievous than her normal grin, and returned to her discussion with Meaghan and two boys who had now joined them. Mr. Hanes kept an eye on the seniors until the second bell rang and they all began to go to their classes. As he turned back to the main office he could not help but notice the nods and glances they exchanged as they moved.
It was the end of first period. The bell would ring any second and that was the cue. The seconds ticked by….five, four, three, two, one.
Business as usual for a moment, waiting until the classrooms were empty and the hallways full and then…
With a screech and a crackle the lights flickered and died completely. While underclassmen screamed and teachers sprinted through the building the seniors took their positions – the foyer, the cafeteria parking lot, and just outside the office.
The lights snapped back to life and Felicia cried out to the nearest teacher that Lauren had passed out, although Lauren was nowhere to be seen. With that the office was emptied and the boys flooded in, taking control of the room and locking the administration out. The lights went out once more and wailing screams echoed over the loud speaker. Teachers were torn between their students and the chaos of the seniors in the office. They never even noticed that ninety percent of the class had disappeared.
Meanwhile, the rest of the class was unloading several cars in the cafeteria parking lot and carting the contents to the doors which opened into the kitchen. They had five minutes before the boys in the office evacuated and unlocked the doors so as to avoid getting in trouble and set the final phase of their plan in motion. From there, their plan road on luck.
“Would all students please report to the auditorium in an orderly manner?”
DeleteThe students assembled, as ordered, in the auditorium with a majority of the senior class rejoining the student body. The lights continued to flicker against the red curtains which were drawn across the stage and the doors closed silently as the final teachers filtered in wondering if this was a legitimate threat or a technical error caused by Dane. Mr. Hanes mounted the short stage and opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted by a strange sound. Clicking? Clucking? The ruffling of feathers?
The principle, who stood at the back of the auditorium turned and pushed open one of the doors and was promptly shoved out of the auditorium and into the feathered mass by a senior hidden in the shadows of the light box. Chaos ensued once more and the final seniors slipped in through the back to enjoy the fruits of their labor – the cries of their tyrannical principle and the look of glee and confusion upon the faces of the other students and some of the teachers. A hundred chickens now flooded the halls into which they had thrust their principle. Mr. Hanes did not react for a moment, he just stood gazing at the door through which his superior had been forced and listened to the distinct sounds of chickens. Then he simply looked straight down at the seniors – all seventy one of whom were now seated right before him.
“Well,” one of them called out. “I don’t think she’s in any danger. Chickens are herbivores which means they only eat plants - Mrs. A taught us that is class.” Seventy one heads bent hiding their secret smirks and daring someone to try and yell at them as there was no proof that this was their prank.
Ann,
DeleteAll I can say is oh dear, we could've pulled this off some how. However, it is a tad late now. I honestly feel that we would've gotten caught no matter what. Releasing a hundred or so chickens into the school would've been near impossible. This prank sounds a lot like my cousins who lives up in Erie except they used squirrels. I must say Ann I would've never expected this devious of a plan to come from you, maybe Fluffy, Dan, or someone else, but not you. Either way well done, and I will miss this blog immensely.
Ann,
DeleteI love your creativity, and also this is hilarious and I wish we could have done this! Our teachers and everyone would have been shocked that our class was sneaky enough to do something like this. Actually let me rephrase that. They would be shocked with the amount of motivation that we would have had to have for this entire plan to come true. What an awesome tale to tell, and I know that this is your mischievous side coming though. Quite a nice little surprise. Awesome work Ann!
Ann,
DeleteI think that this is hilarious. Oh my gosh. The best part is how you said "Mr. Hanes did not react for a moment, he just stood gazing at the door through which his superior had been forced and listened to the distinct sounds of the chickens." That is exactly how it would happen and I can just picture the look on Mr. Hanes's face! And honestly, that is the best part. I am also quite proud of myself for playing quite the part in these prank. Good job, Felicia. Haha. Ann, amazing job on our last blog! Bittersweet.
My inspiration for this piece is Bowling for Soup's song "High School Never Ends."
ReplyDeleteEveryone's ready to leave except for maybe a few of us who believe this town isn't some kind of hell whole. But every senior class ends up right where it started, Elk County Catholic High School. There are a few exceptions, like me. I live in a different small town that's just as hellish. It doesn't matter where you go. The quarter back steals all the housewives hearts, and the prom queen gets fat.
Back in high school I didn't really... Fit in. I wore the wrong sneakers, listened to the wrong music, and didn't really care what people thought about me. They can all suck eggs since they loved telling me to do it. My point is I was never prom queen and the quarterback never called me. I was young, dumb, and stupid.
But this isn't about me. This is about high school and how it never ends. It doesn't matter if the captain of the chess team becomes a sexy lawyer. He will always be that nerd. The girl who was fat in high school is now making herself throw up because everyone made fun of her. We change, but we always stay the same person. For instance, I made with a hot dog one time. Sometimes I find myself eating in the way that I kiss my husband. But I will always be the girl who made out with a hot dog.
I'm not going to talk about ECC individually because it's not the time to do that. But I will say that the school smells like a serious case of body odor. They banned scented body odor guards so all the students stopped wearing deodorant, perfume, and cologne. It'll knock a person out if they don't know it before entering through the foyer doors. I'm shocked they haven't allowed students and staff to wear scents yet. I think they're loosing money over it.
That school made me really hate iPads. I have an iPhone, but it's different. iPads suck eggs. They're amazing creatures and I shouldn't have anything against them! You know how you see one person who just ruins a relationship by trying to fix something that was never broken? Or how about the home wrecker who can't get enough attention from any single guys? Those feelings that I just brought up that the drama queen so kindly granted you with you in high school are my feelings towards iPads. Again, iPads suck eggs.
The world is just a bigger high school, in my opinion. I know some of you probably don't agree with me, but that's because I'm right and you're wrong and you have too much pride to admit it. Instead of rusting cars and minimum wage that covers a birthday present for a temporary girlfriend, we have more options and more everything to lead us down the wrong path. The path that never ends called high school.
Kaitlin,
DeleteFirst off I must say I love that song, and everything in it is so true. The world is just a larger form high school "who is just obsessed with who's the best dressed, who is having sex, who has the money, and who gets the ladies." Sad part is that those few lyrics describe high school in a nut shell. No one can really deny it because as soon as something in regards to one of the topics surfaces in the media it is a headliner till the next scandal comes about. So I agree with you on everything especially your point for those who are staying here because they don't "believe this town isn't some kind of hell whole." I must say your satire was great, and oh the sass. Great Job, Kaitlin!
Kaitlin,
DeleteWhen I read the blog for this week, which happens to be our last blog ever—yay!, I instantly thought of that Bowling for soup song as well! It’s so true, the words to that song I mean. Yours, however, also have some sort of relevance. I really liked how you took a different approach to the prompt, as always, and used your personality to tell how you really felt. It worked well and it made me laugh at several different points. I mean, let’s face it, the guy doesn’t always get the girl and the prom queen means absolutely nothing in the real world. Great job this week!
(Okay so I decided to go out of my comfort zone and write a poem for this blog. It's not all that great but I tried. It doesn't rhyme, but I don't care. Please don't judge me.)
ReplyDeleteUntitled
Squeaky floors muffled by scuff marks,
Lunches that squirm beneath the fork.
Knee highs and sweater vests that scream,
"We preach vulnerability and morality!"
Rooms with no windows,
Cafeterias with no knifes.
Do they think that prayer
Will stop us from escaping?
Bathroom stalls with written graffiti,
Paint fumes wafting in the air.
Elk County Catholic,
More like Death County Central.
Natalie,
DeleteI LOVED THIS. You need to write poems more often! I’m really glad it didn’t rhyme. I think it would have taken away from what you were trying to say. I can’t decide if the part about not escaping because of the classrooms with no windows or the cafeteria with no knives was my favorite part. I could really feel your passion for the topic and see where you were coming from when I read it. Good job!
Natalie,
DeleteThis is absolutely awesome and hilarious! I love your second stanza a lot, especially because it reminds me of Mr. Hanes' room, he room of Calculus and horror for me. But this was really good. I love when you decide to take a risk and step out of your comfort zone because every time you do it seems to be rewarding as the work that comes from it is always excellent! Great job!
Natalie,
DeleteHahahahaha. Yes!!! I loved this. I think we all feel this way. At first I thought it was going to be all sentimental and then I was like "Dang, girl! Werk!" Your poem didn't have to rhyme! It was funny and the beginning was beautiful. Stop saying you're not good at creative writing. You are! Keep doing it too. You'll never know what you'll come up with. Great job!
Natalie,
DeletePLEASE. Keep writing poems! I love this it is hilarious and so incredibly creative! Death County Central is Hilarious! I have a question, is the poem named "untitled" or does it say "untitled" because you didn't name it? I am the worst at naming things. Either way though, I think it is perfectly fitting! I love this so much. you should graffiti this in the bathroom stall. You have too. It's just so fitting. Great job, Natalie!
Warning bells that make no one move, lunches that make students no longer hungry, and CPR that couldn’t save a life. This is what I recall from high school. Cheese in Spanish class, loud voices in the library, odd smells coming from more than just the art room. BE. YOU is preached on a regular basis but the dress code prohibits any sense of originality. Believe in and follow everything the Catholic Church teaches unless it is an inconvenience for you.
ReplyDeleteYou’re supposed to learn how to survive on your own when you’re in high school. High school teaches you to live a life of lies because everything I learned over the past four years, will get me nowhere in life. The only relevance that dissecting a mink, writing down answers that were wrong, and the number of protons in helium had were teaching me that I would never need them. I want to thank all of my wonderful math teachers for teaching me that I definitely wanted nothing to do with quadratic formulas, shapes, or probabilities. The wonders of Elk County Catholic put me in a class that taught me how to drive after I already had my license. I was told that my handwriting had to be legible, yet I had to submit everything online. The amount of busy work the school and various teachers have provided me with over the past eight semesters has only helped in strengthening my habits of procrastination.
I learned many pointless things over the past four years that range from being selective to what food I eat in the cafeteria to learning how to butter my bread with the back of a fork. What the school hasn’t taught me are the life lessons I’ll actually use in life such as how to deal with unfriendly and uncooperative co-workers, how to balance a checkbook, and how to be myself. The BE. Campaign was one of the stupidest things Elk County Catholic has ever done because if I learned anything over the past four years, it is that you can only be you if they say it’s okay—and that is not okay with me.
"I've never seen such a sorry bunch in my entire life."
ReplyDeleteEveryone looked around confused. The first sentence out of our valedictorian's mouth on our graduation day was that we were a sorry bunch. No one had ever seen Sam spread a rude word towards anyone, and yet here she was telling us that we're all the sorriest bunch she'd ever seen.
"Look at you all sitting there in your gowns and caps, hair done all nice, clean shoes, and big smiles on your faces. You don't deserve to be here. None of us do. I mean what have we done in the past four years here?" She smiled a big smile, quite the change from the scowl she'd worn before. "Well, let me tell you. We've had multiple state champions in our class. We've even had a few kids be granted full scholarships, a few with pretty big scholarships for academics and sports, and quite a few for service and other things. Most of our class has honors, and nearly everyone has taken an advanced class at some point. But that's not enough for hem to let us graduate." She paused, looking like she was trying to collect herself before her next sentence or two. "I think that part of the reason that they are letting us graduate is because they are getting rid of us finally." Everyone laughed, and quite a few of the teachers nodded their heads in agreement. "How many of these teachers have had to suffer through our antics, deal with all of our sob stories about lost homework, and waste about ten red pens for each one of us in their classes? How many times have they had to wake up kids from cat naps taken during heir classes, or ban the use of iPads for a day because too many people were playing Stick Golf rather than doing their Theology homework? They had to suffer through all of our angsty teen phases and this year, when most of us," she looked pointedly at a few people in the crowd, "except for a choice few, finally graduated from that personality trait, they had to deal with claims of Senioritis. But it didn't matter because they were always there with the antibiotic for it, an offer for more homework if we didn't complete what was already owed. In all reality, they're not honoring us with graduation, they're kicking us out! But are we going to stand for it? NO!"
At this, everyone was confused. I looked at Ann and the look on her face was priceless. It was a mixture of insult, confusion, and what-the-heck-I-actually-DO-want-to-graduate. I'm sure everyone else had the same look on their face. But Sam just kept going. "We will stay in these halls forever! You'll never get to give our lockers to anyone else. We'll stay here forever." At this point people were looking at her like she was crazy, and for good reason. But finally, right before we all thought Mr. Hanes was ready to take the microphone away from her she stopped.
Delete"You all think I'm crazy don't you. You're so ready to leave. We all are. I, for one, am so happy to get out of this place. But next year, at some point when we're all studying for our finals and living solely on gallon buckets of espresso beans, we're going to be wishing we were still here. But we won't be. So class, I'm congratulating you on everything you'be done this past year, and before it. I congratulate you on moving on to the next difficult part of life. We're graduating from easy to hard, and we all though we were graduating from hard to easy. But in truth, I think that today is the biggest cause of celebration for our teachers. You did it. You're finally getting rid of us. You did your job when most of us didn't do ours. Congratulations."
And with that she left, walked off the stage and down into her seat at the back of the class. No one moved, even the teachers had no clue what to say, a surprise for once. Then finally, someone clapped. That clap started the whole auditorium into a round of applause for the oddest speech ever heard. The ceremony went on, and we all received our diplomas and left. But after the ceremony, Sam could be seen with this little smile on her face. No one knows if that was the day she finally cracked from all those hours she'd spent with her head in her books or if it was all her idea of a joke, but everyone knows that we for sure will always remember her speech as the oddest one we'd ever heard.
Sam! Oh my gosh Hannah I was first shocked but then I could not stop giggling at the blunt truth coming from Sam. This was the greatest graduation speech ever and I think you should give this to her haha. What I really loved about it is how true it is, although it is meant as a piece of satire. You never cease to amaze me with your work, Hannah. Great job!
Delete“Well, Goodbye Class of 2015. As I’m sure you are all expecting, this is the part of the ceremony where I, Mr. Hanes, speak of your class and reflect on my memories I have made with each and every one of you throughout the past four years. While I am only a vice-principle, and a teacher to some, I feel as if we have all been through so much more together. I feel as if I have been so much more than just that, It is almost as if I have become somewhat of a father to all of you annoying children.
ReplyDeleteYes, children. Regardless that the majority of your are 18, you are all so childish that I almost feel bad. Out of all the classes I have instructed, yours is the only one that just seems to be so incapable of such simple tasks, easily achievable by monkeys. I am sure that wild apes would pay more attention than you all! Reply if your listening, Good morning students!”
A lone voice, Ann Ordiway, replies nervously “good morning, Mr. Hanes.”
“Your class is so irresponsible, how many of you drive here in the morning? Most of you. How many of you drive yourselves here and make it on time? Few of you. How many of you even park your car properly? None of you. Just wondering, how did you pass your drivers test?!Mr. D’s cat parks better than all of you! And speaking of cars, great job with that car wash. Really. Phenonimal.
It’s been a long year. I could go on an on with this speech, but I would rather not prolong our time together. To the students of the graduating class, good luck as you try to take on the world. You need it. To the world, good luck. You need it more.”
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh my gosh this was perfection. I could totally picture Mr. Hanes doing this to us as well. I loved when he called us children that cannot park correctly or on time. I could not stop laughing when you wrote the part about him wondering how we even have our drivers licenses. And the car wash! Seriously, this was best thing ever. Awesome work, Felicia!
DeleteFelicia,
DeleteHahaha. I'm dying! I love how drawn out it is like Mr. Hanes talks too. It was like, "GET TO THE POINT!" I'm gonna miss your sarcasm so much. Please send me stories like this. I will pay you. I love that you mentioned the car wash too. Haha. It was fun making memories, if we had a car wash. Great job!